Management Tips from KB/HH

The other day I bought a brand-new, cutting-edge broom and told the Kaamwaali Bai or House Help (Hereby referred to as KB/HH) to start using it from the next day. Suddenly all the noise in the world disappeared. She stared at me. The intense analytical gaze she gave me as she heard those words is beyond description.

“It is what it is,” she said point-blankly. “You cannot expect a new broom to be become a game changer from day one.”

“But we had briefed the shopkeeper to give us a broom that will be a value-add and at the same time be very customer-centric,” I said, very meekly. Such was the gaze!

“Your approach was totally wrong,” were the words of KB/HH, the rebuker. “You did not ensure to demand for End-to-End quality of services. Do you even know how I will have to multitask between cleaning the floor and cleaning the new-broom droppings? Have you given it a thought to the effect that will have on my performance measurement?”

I was on the verge of tears. Standing in the nearest corner seemed like the best thing to do.

“But… I tried my best towards a significant contribution,” I muttered in a barely perceptible voice.

“You know nothing,” said the ever-booming voice. “Do you have any idea about the disconnect that strategy will have on all my initiatives and objectives that go into the metrics? That will demotivate me for sure! Please keep such things in mind henceforth!”

I was lost for words and confidence. From that day on, I decided to leverage this learning and decided to become an achiever!

I am You

I am the ring master. I carry a whip. *slash*

There the lion will roar, as expected. Yes, let it roar. Roar as much as it wants too. I have removed its teeth and I bring his food. I am his master. I own him. I control him. *slash*

This is my ring. This is my show.

You have to see me. Leave your thoughts behind. I will anyway force you to do so. I just have to get you angry, and I know how to do so. Take care to come for my show and I will show you how I care the least for you...

I only care about myself. *slash*

This is my world. This is my kingdom.

I am the king and I am the joker. I am the law and I am the jest. Laugh as much as you will at the joker, but he will make you cry too. It's only I who will make you angry. Anger is pure they say. Oh how I use it as a weapon! Bow down before the king, look at his power in awe. Look at my power. You might have doubts about me, but not me. I just turn a blind eye towards myself. My power is that I can ignore myself and then I am able to gather my inherent insecurity and channel it towards a bravado.

I swing the gymnasts. *slash*

This is my tent. This is my performance.

I hold the strings that hold the gymnasts. I control how they move. I decide their positions. I frighten them too. For they are a part of this picture that I paint everyday. A portrait I paint for myself. I am the great one you ever dreamed of. I am the one you want to be. I am humble at times too, but that is just for you to see.

This is my circus, this is my show. *slash*

I don't perform for myself, but I perform so that you look at me... in awe. *slash*

*slash*

I feed my own ego and make you feed me some of my own. I never cared for self esteem because that is just a word.

You will go home afterwards, happy and content, but not me. I am nothing without the feeling I get when I control you.

Illusion it maybe is, but an illusion too starts with an 'I'.

Being Human

(Click the picture to see an enlarged image)

The spotted deers were seen in the Tadoba forest. Being Human is something we all know. That was the first thing that came to my mind when I saw the horns clash.

Frog

The frog is rocking his well, thinking it is rocking the world.

I posted this line on Twitter sometime back and it got me thinking. Who is this frog I keep alluding to in my thoughts whenever I come across a reincarnation of this frog as a human?

I remember reading this story in a book that had speeches and works by Swami Vivekananda. Yeah, I got all those books when I had been for a camp in the Swami Vivekananda center. Point is, this frog story has stayed with me for long. It is the simplicity of the story and the fact that you see it so often in the world around you that brings it closer to reality than most other stories.

The frog who thinks that his well is the entire universe. The frog who thinks that there is so much in this well of his that it is the best thing ever. The frog who is proud and looks down upon the other mighty sea folks who have explored the unknown ocean.

The little frog who is the king of his own world.

But would you blame the frog for that? This Chinese story ends with the frog realizing how little the well is as compared the ocean. It is mildly shocked and is upset.

Does this happen in reality? Humans are more likely to turn to their own well and be the Lord Frog of that splendid well. My well is bigger than yours. My well is shinier, damper and filled with delicious edible creatures.

Humans are also more likely to realize that their well is not the world and keep complaining about it. Yeah that is possible too. Do you know how tough it is to maintain my well? I have to do tons of things to keep it a good place. What about you big shelled turtle, the seasons take care of your uncontrollable ocean. What would you know!

I really don’t know what side should I take when I want to allude to the frog now. Maybe both, maybe some other dimension would come up.

I wish at times that I was Sigmund Freud.

E-mail sent on the last day at work

Before you begin:

Remember the epic movie Titanic?

A scene that most of us might remember from that is the part when the boat is sinking and a group of guys decide to keep on playing the Violin because one of them leads the way. The others don’t go like, “Well I have completed my 45 hours and I can go,” or the main chap doesn’t say, “Guys complete your 9 hours like the cooks did before hitting the life boats”.
What does this tell us?

Violin players are the real committed artists! Even Sherlock Holmes used to play it!

About this task:

I hate the word LDAP. Not for the meanings attached to it, but is overuse! It should ideally mean Let’s Dance And Party! But no, with all the connotations from both the employers and the employees it has a different ring to it.

Either Leaving (before I get more) Depressed And Pathetic or Left Due (to) Angst (and) Pain, or just I am getting better roles and responsibilities (read pay)!

To each his own, I am just one of the rats in the rat race.

Procedure:

Since this is a mandatory field, I would just say that there comes a point in everyone’s life when they have to decide:

1. What to do next?
2. Where to go next?
3. What steps to climb?
4. What branch to hang on?
5. Where to fly?

Well I have just started thinking about all this and need time to figure out the answers to these questions. But for now they lead me to more questions. This had started hampering my work and then I decided to be nice to my nice employer, team mates and wonderful people out here.
Why should I trouble you more with my idiosyncrasies or the verbose manifestations of my astral journeys? Let me carry my burden and take it out in the open.

So on and so forth.
For more information see Related Tasks.

What to do next:

Politics? (Some say I am too diplomatic.)
Acting? (Those who have read my blog know about my versatile acting skills.)
NGO? (Yes Yes, I want to save the world too.)
Mafia? (You can then choose to be on the safer side, if you know what I mean.)
Restaurateur? (I will give you food on discount ok, not free! Before you start asking me for free food, remember there is no free lunch/dinner.)

And the list will grow, for more information see Related Tasks.

Related tasks:

So if you wish to be a kind soul to me (I already know that you are very kind and genuine at heart. I really respect you. If ‘you’ know who ‘you’ is, you would know! But I know that asking to be kind to me could be a daunting task for you.), and keep in touch, you can always find me at:

gmail.com
www.facebook.com
http://in.linkedin.com

You will find most of the facets of my personality here. Rest is hidden!

So, with a genuine warm expression of gratitude for all the support that you have extended towards me, I say Bye!

See you on the other side.

The Sheep Story!

Once upon a time, there was lamb.. she wanted to be funny and a crowd pleaser... she spoke to Mary and they mutually decided to break up and cited irreconcilable differences in the local pedantic village drunk court. They got it and the lamb decided to move on.

Going ahead, she came to meet these bunch of dirty dancing, dark fluid loving gang of bangers and sheep lovers. So the lamb became a sheep. Now the question was, should that sheep just be a sheep or should she turn herself into Shahid Kapoor? So the sheep went to the gym, ran on the treadmill and worked her hair to be fluffy. Mind you, she tried very hard. Then as every story has a twist, this one didn't! It was pretty predictable. Sheep flaunted stuff and one by one lost respect of all the gangers... Now all fluffy and tired she decided to move on further. But Whatay, there the story tried to put a stop to itself but the sheep pushed back in.

So a classic case of Fata Poster aur Nikla Hero (or so called Hero). This is the part where the sheep tried, cried and decided.. Voluptuous is the way. Just like the Moto Moto dude in Madagascar two... she sang: I like em big, I like em chunky... those two adjectives btw were for the sheep itself. She is totally in love with herself now. She sings to herself, Now and Forever I will be your SheepMan.

So Sheep Sheep Sheep... If you haven't already started dreaming about the Sheep... and have become dewy (euphemistic alternative for another word)... Say hello to the day that makes no sense at all...

Sherry may or may not make merry.. but have you ever tried either?

Btw the sheep can outrun any runner... even if it is Rajnikanth!

PS: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

19 days between Mumbai and Zurich!

"An average wage-earner in Zurich and New York can buy an iPod nano from an Apple store after nine hours of work. At the other end of the spectrum, workers in Mumbai need to work 20 nine-hour days, roughly the equivalent of one month's salary," the study said.

This is taken from the Reuters article (R) about World's Best Wages. What caught my eye is use of the iPod as a comparative parameter :).

An important factor one has to think about is the Indian perspective wherein people flock from all over the country in Mumbai just because it is known as a place where money flows. This brings forward the huge divide between the various India's we have in India. And Mumbai is a perfect place where most of these various Indians are located in the smallest possible place. BKC complex and the nearby Dharavi Slum nearby, the Bandra-Worli sealink and the nearby Worli seamen communities, the Swanky west as compared to the deteriorated east.... and the comparable patches in between and so on!

But one thing is common, almost everyone in Mumbai has a radio phone... and this is prominently seen in the locals where almost everyone is listening to something! Ah but what about the iPods?

Oh but we were talking about the iPod, or buying the iPod, or like me..... just dreaming.... when will I buy the nice iPod Classic and have all my stuff on it....